Custom Kitchen Deliveries

July 7, 2009
Possible Jobs for if I Lose Use of my Fingers
Politician
Pros Cons
  • Would I be good at lying to people for the rest of my life? Probably
  • I can abuse whatever power I get
  • Can’t do the Appalachian Trail
  • Not allowed an Argentinian girlfriend
  • I would probably be killed

Dragon
Pros Cons
  • Talk like Sean Connery
  • I would be a dragon.
  • People might try and kill me
  • I don’t know if its possible to turn me into a dragon.

Pirate
Pros Cons
  • Replace one non-working hand with a hook. Or both, why not.
  • Get to wear an eyepatch
  • Get a parrot
  • Get to be on a boat
  • Possibly illegal.

Nascar Driver
Pros Cons
  • Get to drive fast
  • Family comes from Carolina so it should be natural
  • Probably inbred
  • I get really bad road rage
  • PBR doesn’t have the money to sponsor me

Brewmaster
Pros Cons
  • Get to drink beer
  • Would be hard to convince anyone I’m a beer expert since PBR is preferred beer

Wizard
Pros Cons
  • When I grow my hair out kids have called me Harry Potter
  • No magical skills
  • Lord Voldemort

Professional Wrestler
Pros Cons
  • I already take steroids. A few more won’t hurt.
  • The Undertaker


Walmart Greeter
Pros Cons
  • Would greet everyone as Good Sir
  • Too young
  • I would not give a crap


Santa Claus
Pros Cons
  • Get to grow a beard
  • I have elves do all the hard work for me
  • Seasonal Work
  • Background check


Street Performer
Pros Cons
  • Good tax free income
  • Get to be out there with the peoples
  • I would need talent
  • Other street performers may fight me for my turf
  • Noise complaints


Animal Expert
Pros Cons
  • I could work at a zoo and pretend I am an animal expert.
  • Get to use a horrible fake Australian accent
  • Would probably be attacked by the animals


Preacher
Pros Cons
  • Kick ass preacher robe
  • Tax free money
  • Good church food
  • I would have to try and control my use of the F word


President of Pauly Shore Fan Club
Pros Cons
  • none
  • most degrading job in the world


Robocop
Pros Cons
  • I get to say ‘Dead or alive you’re coming with me’
  • I am the law
  • I don’t die
  • Directive Four
  • I lose touch with humanity
  • ED-209


Carnival Worker
Pros Cons
  • Get to travel
  • Carnival Food
  • Don’t have to worry about how I look or smell
  • Can smoke or drink while I work
  • Don’t have any sisters, so I will die alone and without kids.


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